Um, what?...

OK, let’s talk about alfredo sauce. Quick thank you to Alfredo di Lelio's passion for satisfying his wife and putting this dream-team of butter, cream, and parmigiano reggiano together, and then pouring it over pasta. And then adding more cheese. (PS - did you pronounce that Giada-style in your head? Because I did.)

OK, back to alfredo sauce. I realized during dinner tonight that I’ve never actually ordered alfredo sauce in my life, anywhere. Not even when I was in Italy. Probably because of the ultimate guilt I would immediately feel upon eating something that fatty, and then the stomach pain. It’s one of those things that you see on so many menus, but the immediate thought when you read it is “Oh my god I love alfredo, but I can’t order that and still love myself.” Don’t lie — this is what we think. (Yes, therapy, I know.) 

My alfredo experience, in truth, is as follows:

1. Skinny friends at dinner order alfredo. I have a bite to go with my ultimate jealousy, and then I go back to my carb-free dinner.
2. Didn't really come in contact with it as a kid, because my family is Sicilian and this was considered "Northern food." Which is bad, I guess? IDK - I don't discriminate. Italian food is amazing. 
3. Made alfredo a few times in college, and other than small tastes to make sure the sauce was balanced, didn’t actually eat it. 
4. Fantasize about it when it shows up in Tasty videos on Buzzfeed, and then go back to thinking up low carb dinners for weeknights. 
5. :sigh:

UNTIL NOW OMFG. 

I’ll be the first to admit to the ridiculous, hipster, carb alternative that is cauliflower - it’s trending so hard right now and I almost hate myself for the number of bags of pre-riced cauliflower that are sitting in my freezer right now, but fuck that. It’s delicious, and I ran out of fucks forever ago. And I live in Seattle, so let’s go all in and make some vegan alfredo sauce that won’t hurt your stomach and is full of good fat and a full serving of vegetables.

Caveat: there are a thousand versions of “cauliflower alfredo” on the internet. Some include cream, some don’t. Some have cheese, and some don’t. Some go full vegan with nutritional yeast and a whole bunch of other random crap, and I’m sure those are good, because nutritional yeast is super fun to cook with. This recipe pulls the best parts of all the recipes and videos that I reviewed, but with the simplest ingredients, and my husband went nuts for it. 

Ingredients:

• 1 10oz. package of frozen, riced cauliflower (or 2 cups if you’re using fresh)
• 1/3 cups diced onion or shallot - whatever you like better
• 3-4 cloves of minced garlic
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 cup unsweetened coconut milk
• 1/2 cup vegetable broth
• 2/3 cup raw cashews
• boiling water
• Salt and pepper to taste

Kitchen tools you’ll need to get the right texture:

A good blender
OR
An emulsion blender (stick blender)
OR
A food processor

Directions:

Put the cashews in their own bowl, and pour boiling water over them until they’re just covered. Let them soak for 30 minutes.

Defrost the cauliflower and chop the onion/shallot and garlic. 

Add the olive oil to a saucepan and sauté the onion and garlic for about 5 minutes, or until translucent. Add the cauliflower and a pinch of salt, and sauté another 5 minutes.

Pour in the coconut milk and vegetable broth, and bring to a boil.

Once it starts to boil, pour the cauliflower mixture into the blender. Then drain the cashews and add them to the blender, too. 

(I initially was going to use my emulsion blender until I remembered I have a Vitamix. If you don’t have a Vitamix, they are seriously worth every damn penny.)

Blend until completely smooth and fluffy, tasting along the way and adding salt and pepper to taste. 

And that’s it. It’s creamy and velvety, and it doesn’t have that weird, alternative texture and taste that so many “alternative” recipes have. I bet it would be great with a pinch of nutmeg poured over sliced potatoes and baked au gratin…mmmmmmm...sorry I totally just forgot what I was writing about...
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Pairing! What are we putting this sauce on today? I’m making this for a Monday night dinner, so I paired it with some fancy-ass bucatini I bought that’s imported from Italy, and sautéed chicken with zucchini, mushrooms, and lemon zest. Bucatini is my favorite pasta - it's like spaghetti, but extra thick with a tiny hole in the middle. It's so good with a sauce like this. 

NOM!!! Buon appetito.